I've done it again. Dh got paid Friday. What's that, like three days ago? And we're already overdrawn. By a lot. By so much that stuff will actually bounce rather than be paid by the overdraft protection. I did it to us by going to the fabric store and paying a couple of bills. I suck. I feel awful. My tummy is in knots. My dh, my poor dh, is gonna flip and be pissy and it'll all be my fault and I know it. I seem to have a knack for blowing money. I seem to let it seep through my fingers like water. I hate it. I hate that I allow this to happen, that my husband has to feel it.
Tomorrow I am giving up my debit card and checkbook. I am going to suck it up and call the credit union and beg them to refund some of the overdraft fees and then sit there quietly while they laugh at me. Then I'm going to cry. If the tub surround we bought a couple of years ago but can't use sells tomorrow I'll be a little bit ok. I need to find a way to make some money from home. I spend so much of our money. I hate not providing any of it.
I know, I know, I take care of our kids and blah, blah, blah which I get "paid" for but still, it doesn't look that way when viewing the bank account now does it? I need to help dig us out of this whole. If we could just get caught up we'd be ok, but we're struggling more now than when dh was in school. How is that possible? I can't sleep. It's 11:30 and I can't sleep. I don't like worrying about money. I feel it now the way dh does, and I understand why he's crabby. I would be too, if I were married to a freak like me.
I'm so sorry honey! I am making a pact today to do better. I don't want to live like this, and I don't want you to. I want to have nice things and be happy with what I have, not longing for things I don't have. I'm sorry Neall, I hate that I got us into this yet again.
2 comments:
Gwen, you are not a horrible person. Even Tara and I have overspent. Having more money doesn;t make things easier...especially if you have just been through a drought. It takes effort. Hard work to figure out how that money works and how much it actually is. Ask neall for grace this time, and then see if you can read up on finances. I bet you have a similar problem to me. Money is more of a concept...something intanglible and etheral. It needs to become concrete in your mind. I bet dustan can help, if you want him to. He helped me (but it wasn't fun...lol)
Hugs, friend. Go easy on yourself, you are still playing catch-up on all the stuff you needed. Plus its hard to be organized about $ when your living environment is in chaos. You'll make it through.
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