Uhhh, hmmm

"So, did we finish the conversation we started the other night?" Apparently, we did not, because I still feel like doo-doo. Ok, it's worse than that. I'm not a depressed person, but I cannot shake this. Dh keeps saying "what's wrong". Uh, um, nevermind. I know it's counter-communicative, but if he can't come up with anything I might be upset about then I don't feel inclined to discuss it at the moment.

Adding to the funk is this. Dh expressed his intent to have a vasectomy months ago. Shoot, probably years ago. Anyway, he talked to the VA a few months ago at his check-up. We were told that the urology department would send us a letter and we'd make an appointment and then it would be yet another appointment for the procedure. Well, dh had a pcp visit yesterday where they informed him that he had an appointment on Friday with urology. Nobody told us, it was made without our involvement, and it's the real thing. As in, they think they are doing a vasectomy tomorrow. I can't even type this without crying. I knew this was going to be hard. I don't want him to not have the procedure. I don't want him TO have it either but I understand that he needs to do this. Doesn't mean I have to like it. I was not expecting to have to deal with this barely 6 weeks postpartum. I haven't gotten 2 minutes to sit and be "recently postpartum". I just need some time to get things back from the chaos that revolves around graduating from school (which I was a single mother for) and the chaos that is being postpartum. My house is a shambles, dh isn't working, dh doesn't have any physical desire for me anymore, and now I have to tackle the emotional issue that is him having a vasectomy. I just want to BE for a week, just be. Neall, of course, doesn't understand any of this. He thinks it's unfair that I am upset about him having a V. How are any emotions "unfair". I can feel however I want to feel about it. That doesn't have to influence your decision, but I'm allowed to feel the way I feel. I think it's unfair that you don't have any emotion at all. So there.

Every time I nurse the baby I cry about him being the last baby. What's wrong? Hmmmm, you figure it out, you big jerk.

Anyway, I'm going to Dannielle's today for a quiche and tea party. After that we're going swimming at the Y. The kids are going to fall into bed tonight.