In other, other family news there is a change on the horizon. No, I'm not pregnant! Most readers know I'm in school part time. After a heap of agonizing contemplation and problem solving I switched my major to Education instead of Early Care and Education (the difference between preschool and elementary+). That was after last semester when I couldn't find any courses to take in ECE. Anyway, this decision was agonizing for me for a few reasons. 1. I really loved the program, it just wasn't convenient for me to take the classes. 2. I am a picky PICKY educator. I homeschool my own kids for a reason. I think the public school system is irreparably broken. I think the general trend towards a specific style of education is WRONG. I feel more strongly about this the more I learn in my courses. They actually TEACH the RIGHT STUFF, but you end up not being able to apply it under the bureaucratic system that is public school, which brings me to my 3rd reason. 3. I know what goes on "behind the scenes", when a teacher goes home. I know this because my dad was a teacher for pretty much my entire alert life. So here I am going IN to this field? Yeah, agonizing. I finally decided that I was just going to leap and see what happened. I thought that perhaps I would come across an opportunity to utilize my degree in a situation more to my liking than public school special education, really make a difference. Since I have so many years to get through school I figured it was worth a shot. Well, it may have already proven so. This whole novel brings me to my original point, the change on the horizon.

I toured a school for Winnie. I have a friend or 2 with children there so I already had some idea of what to expect. I hadn't seen the school in person but I'm more concerned really with the innards of a school system. Anyone can make a room look pretty, it's how the children are guided through learning that's important, and a great teacher can guide fantastically in a field of nothing. (Now you see why I am hesitant to become a teacher, lol). Anyway, I finally got an opportunity to actually see the school and meet some staff. As I expected the rooms were in disarray and hallways were full of bookshelves and art materials. Since it's summer there wasn't a really clear picture of how the rooms look in real life, but I didn't care. I was more concerned with the energy, the unseen things, the hearts of the people who work there. Let me just say I LOVE THIS SCHOOL. Before I expressed real interest in sending my kids there I said "I want to work here", and thus my diabolical plan was hatched. I could almost hear the little gears shift just a tiny bit towards the ultimate balance I've been seeking. That little "click" was my clue to think outside the box. Parent participation is required at this school, another thing that endears me to it. I'm quite sure I would annoy the bejeezus out of any public school teacher who had the misfortune to have one of my kids in their room. Did I mention I'm picky? Anyway, I have 4 children. I can afford to send *1* to this school. Winnie would get the most out of it in some ways. Finn would get more out of it in other ways. Zella would THRIVE there, I had a hard time getting her to leave that one day. And Oak, well, he's still little, lol. Anyway, financially speaking, despite the very, very fair method of figuring out tuition based on a sliding scale, sending even just 1 child would be tricky. Add another and another and eventually another, impossible. So, it came to me. I sent the email off before I even had the chance to fully think it through. I didn't want to lose my nerve. What if I WORK there in exchange for tuition! Before I knew what I was doing I blurbed out this plan that rests solely on the school owner's good judgement. I could work there, I thought. Oak could go into their daycare facility which is really just employee's children and is right next door allowing for lunch with the little monkeys and close proximity if anything is awry. Zella could go into their preschool program (didn't even consider asking if there was space available), Finn would go into the first grade classroom (quite possibly full as well, unless someone doesn't put down their deposit), Winnie would go into the second grade classroom. Me and all 4 kids in one place at one time 5 days a week. Me bartering my time and sheer love for children in exchange for their education. I started to write a pros/cons list but the pros to this plan outweighed the cons 10 to 1 almost immediately so I stopped, lol. There are a few hitches to this plan. It would have to work perfectly or not at all to make it worth the time and effort involved on my part. Plus, we only have 1 car. That would have to be remedied as well. I don't see any way around that little problem other than buying a second car. This adds to the "tuition" because we don't need another car if we're not talking school. And finally, I like homeschooling. I'm nervous to start on this path of uncertainty. I'm nervous about needing a strict bedtime and having to wake up at a certain time. I'm nervous about not sharing any days off with dh. I'm nervous about my childrens' education resting solely on my "sticking it out" at this school. Mostly it's just a really, really, REALLY big change, for all of us. I swore I would homeschool only if it was what's best for the kids. I don't know if this is better. It's good, for sure. But is it better? And what about all of my friends and their kids? I LIKE having a community. I fit in well here with my homeschooled kids. This would mean adding a community entirely (the alternative would be trading one for another, but that's not going to happen).

And this doesn't just offer an opportunity for my kids to be well-schooled. It offers ME an opportunity to actually USE what I'd be learning in my classes (oh yeah, I'd have to schedule my classes differently too). More importantly, it offers me an opportunity to enter the education field in an environment I can actually thrive in rather than one in which I feel opressed. There is something to be said for that. Now like I said, I have several years of school to go before I really need to worry about entering the field, but what if this is my shot? What if THIS is the opportunity I prayed about? And what if I pass it up?

So anyway, therein lies my dilemma. Anyone care to chime in?