Trying not to.

Toby is shaved now (well, mostly) and seems to be doing better on a slightly higher dose of Benadryl. I didn't realize how skinny he'd become but now that he's shaved it is glaringly obvious that he's very thin. I don't know how that plays into things but I am going to give the vet a call first thing Monday and get his take on things. He eats a high quality food, he's just not eating enough. I hope it's because he's on Benadryl and is just groggy combined with not feeling so great. The trouble is, where's the line? I can't reduce the Benadryl or he chews himself raw, but I can't keep up this dose if he doesn't eat. It's a delicate balance. He's on a new antibiotic and a treatment for heartworm that also is an anti-parasitic medication. He tested negative for scabies/mites but we're treating anyway. Neall is so done with this whole thing but I can't stand the thought of giving him back because he has a rash. If only we could discover the cause and get rid of it. He's a sweet boy, plus, we've got $500 worth of training invested in him. I don't know how many more options we have for treatment. I'm trying not to succumb to Nealls skepticism about getting him well, but the truth is, I'm feeling pretty frustrated myself.

I'm trying not to be concerned about Oak. You know how one little thing clicks in your head and then you start seeing stuff that isn't there. Well, it clicked that Oak still isn't walking. All of my others walked at 10 months. Oak is 14 months and no walking in sight. I got to thinking about it and he doesn't really stand or cruise much either. Then I was nursing him and wondered, does the shape of his head look a little funny? Is he a little bit sideways when he sits? I know this is all coming from outside influences. My good friend whose baby has scoliosis and maybe a genetic disorder is always near the front of my mind. And a mama online's baby who just got diagnosed with Leukemia after having a "cold". I know I'm seeing things that aren't there, but what if I miss something? I also know this has to do with the point I'm at in my cycle. I tend to be more angsty and anxious, irrationally so, during certain points of my cycle. This happens to be that time.

And finally, I'm trying not to stalk my good friend Dawn, who is about to give birth. I have to laugh at myself and my desire to call every ten minutes to see if she's having contractions or feels like things are happening. I'm trying not to cause her to be anxious though, so I don't call at all, which is probably not good either, lol. I can't wait to see that smooshy baby though, and to find out whether he's just tall, or has long legs, or if it will remain a mystery how he can punch over on this side and shove loooonnnggg legs and big feet into her ribs waaaaaayyyy on the other side of her body. Maybe he just has big feet! I can't wait to find out. I was positive crazy with anticipation and excitement by this point with my own babies. Apparently it carries over to other people's babies too, lol.