It occurred to me last night...

that I should stop whining so much (and gushing about my aso-fabu-dorable kids) and talk more about how we live the life we do. My hope, sappy as it is, is that my ramblings and experience might help someone else survive the difficult task of living on one income, going to school, staying home instead of working, etc... . Plus, everyone deserves a chance to toot their own horn now and then, don't you think? It is my opinion that mothers who want to stay home ought to. It is my equally strong opinion that mom's who want to work ought to. In other words, do what makes you happy. I never imagined how it could be possible to find happiness in a not-enough-to-pay-the-bills kind of existance. It is possible though when you realize you make your own happiness. One thing I want to make clear is that the stereotype of a poor family is largely incorrect. Perhaps once upon a time it fit, but perceptions need to change. The face of poverty is not the government-sanctioned image of dirty faced little kids clutching at the homemade skirt of an overweight and unhealthy looking mama with her hair in a scarf standing in a muddy driveway of an old lead painted home eating pb&j... Now wait a minute! Holy schminkies, my whole position is gone to weed now hasn't it?! 30 minutes of nursing at the keyboard with just my left hand only to discover that we ARE the face of poverty. Hmmm, well, ok then. So we do fit the stereotype, and so do lots of families, nothing wrong with that. This family, however, does not fit the stereotype in one key way. Our attitudes are not that of a downtrodden, destitute, sad and opressed husk of a person. I find great joy in my life, often in the simple things my wealthier peers miss on a daily basis. Wait a minute, I'm channeling a list, shhhh, let it come.

Places Gwen Finds Joy In Her Seemingly Pathetic Existance

My children's eyes (yes, I know this is a cliche but it's my choice to stay home with my children and see joy in their eyes at finding a worm or drawing a perfect letter "W") I wouldn't trade this for an extra thousand dollars a month in the grocery budget.

Trips to the Zoo, Magic House, Park, Chuck E Cheese, the Mall play area, etc... at 2pm on Wednesday's. Why is that joyful? Well because we tend to have all of those places to ourselves, lol. CEC on a Saturday? No flipping way! 2pm on a Wednesday baby, that's where it's at.

Peanut butter and syrup sandwiches cut into tiny triangles and eaten on a picnic blanket in the back yard. Some of the most amazing glimpses at life through my childrens' eyes have happened over these tiny triangles with the sun shining above.

Coffee. Not Starbucks, just brewed in my cheap home drip coffee maker. It's not even the "finest arabica beans", just Folgers and tap water. Simple coffee can be dressed up or down to suit any occasion. Add flavored creamer and whipped cream for a casual Sunday brunch. Dress it down with a goofy coffee mug that smiles at you for an extra boost to a dull morning. Pour into a Starbucks coffee mug when extravagance and a look that says "red carpet" is required.

Fielding calls from bill collectors for months, then turning around and paying the company directly so the collection agency loses their fee for collecting. Muahahahaha! Evil but necessary. Ever tried getting proof of payment in full from a collection agency? Ha! Trust me, never make payment to a bill collector. If you owe AT&T but Unisys collections is calling for payment, write the check and send it to AT&T. Unisys collections runs under different guidelines and your payment may or may NOT be made on your behalf. Ask me how I know...

Telling carpet cleaning companies we have no carpet. For more joy (on particularly difficult days) I tell them we have dirt floors. Totally fun, trust me. Puts a smile on my face just thinking about it.

Along the same lines as above, entertain the True-Green ChemLawn people by allowing them to stop by for a quote but only on the front yard. This may not work for everyone, but for our 3 foot by 4 foot front lawn, this is hilarious. **I only do this when they won't stop calling and bugging me about how the quote is free and I'm just crazy for not wanting them to just stop by and take a look** Fine, you want to waste your time and your $3.15/gal gas, have at it, but the front yard only please.

Sidewalk chalk body outlines. Done at Halloween time and coupled with "CAUTION" tape this has a wonderful affect on new neighbors.

Speaking of neighbors, they're on my "bring me joy" list too. I love our neighbors. Well, except for the ones who drive their minivan WAY to fast up and down our street. Other than them, our neighborhood rocks. If I had more energy or time I'd organize a neighborhood block party.

Campfires, camping, digging in dirt while camping, bathing in Rubbermaid tubs, cast iron dutch ovens. Man, I've got the camping bug. Camping brings me great joy, as does the effect it has on my entire family. The kids lighten up and work together to find just one more beetle to put into their bug box, Oak instantly relaxes at the touch of a breeze on his cheek, and something about putting a poker (snicker, snort, guffaw!) into the hands of a grown man and putting him in charge of fire that seems to melt away the serious kind of tension supportive husbands seem to store in their neck and shoulders.

Strong man shoulders, and the smell of dh after a job well done. OMGolly if my lesbian friends ever discovered I like man-smell they'd die. Most of them are unaware of my "straight status" anyway, if they knew I acutally enjoy this kind of life they'd... I dunno, they'd be surprised, lol. It's been a long time since I was part of that world. If they could see me now!

Speaking of dieing, a member of an online community I've been part of for years now lost her battle with cancer last night. I didn't know her well, or really even at all. I knew of her fight for her life. My heart and thoughts go out to her family today. She has left behind several small children. I've lit a candle for this mama, please consider doing the same for her and all of the other people with whom we share a commonality. The death of someone who is even just a distant acquaintance causes me to get all "thinky". I never know quite how to explain to people how this affects me so deeply when I "didn't even know her".

Now let's see, preachy words about poverty *check*, useless list *check*, heartfelt condolences to Patsy's family *check*, another useless list *check*... anything else?

Oh yeah, after taking about a week off from agressive job hunting, today it begins again. There must be 30-40 copies of dh's resume circulating the immediate metro area today due to passive job hunting (sending resumes and applications, cover letters, etc...). Dh had a PT appointment this morning to get new orthotics for his shoes. When he gets home from that he'll start going down the list making phone calls inquiring about the status of his resume. Hopefully this will result in at least one interview. He'll get as far as he can before it's time to head off for my 6wk postpartum visit with the doctor who didn't know I was having a homebirth and thus had no idea I'd had the baby until his concerned nurse cornered me via phone call and made me spill it, lol. I'm a tad nervous about his reaction but honestly they're so dang busy in that office he probably is thrilled that I'm one less gal he had to show up in the middle of the night for. Being on Medicaid he still gets paid in full (I think) so he shouldn't be too upset. I was a thorn in his proverbial side anyway. All that annoying refusal of tests, he's glad he didn't have to deal with my lack of need of an epidural I'm sure. I did him a favor :D. Nothing much more to report. My good friend is 2 weeks post-dates and I wait with increasingly impatient patience for the phone to ring saying she's in labor. I hope to be at her birth, if she wants me there. She was an incredible help to me during mine. I'd love to return the kindness, plus I'm a birth junkie, lol. Another friend is out of the country in Ecuador and I pray for her safety and that she has fun too. It's scary being out of touch with her, though I know she's been in infrequent contact with another friend so I know she's fine. Didn't realize how much I'd miss her!

On that note, I think this is some award for longest blog ever that doesn't have a specific theme. What do I win?